Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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