The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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