I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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