so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
