Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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