True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
