she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
