Moan for me like Helen Keller
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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