with your own penis?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
