She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
