Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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