so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
