I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
