I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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