The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
