So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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