Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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