I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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