Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
farters have to be the big spoon...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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