She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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