I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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