I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
