When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
