I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
