You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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