addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
