hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
