So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
