Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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