that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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