She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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