he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
