You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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