Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
