Screwed.edu
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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