Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
