We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize