No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
