Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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