Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The air taste purple.
Randomize
