It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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