I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
