I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
