This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
