Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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