I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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