That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
