I want to have your abortion
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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