I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
