I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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